party ON
by VisualZero
Summary: Ryuuga is having a party that ONLY the Battle Bladers are invited to. The problem is, even they don't want to be there. Crackfic


Ryuuga is having a party that ONLY the Battle Bladers are invited to. The problem is, even they don't want to be there.

'Yuu, please won't you come? Please? For me?' Kenta, eyes wide, looked upon the ever-so-slightly older boy with such a forlorn expression that his heart couldn't help but melt.

'But Kentaa… Those guys are such total losers! I mean, they're not even IN the show anymore-'

'Please, please, please, please, please, please-'

'Alright, alright! I'll come and hang out with you guys. But I won't promise I'll enjoy it…' Yuu sighed and reluctantly followed his friend into the dark and abandoned abyss that was… THE ROOM WHERE THE LONG FORGOTTEN BATTLE BLADERS HUNG OUT AND PLAYED CARDS AND STUFF LIKE THAT!

**AFOREMENTIONED ROOM:**

'Hikaru? What are you doing here? You're IN Metal Masters.' Yuu asked.

'Ryuuga decided that forcing Teru to wear a dress wasn't enough to satisfy his libido so he dragged me down here, bound and gagged, last night at three o'clock in the morning,' the bluenette sighed. 'I've been trying to escape ever since.'

'Umm, Ryuuga? You ALSO appear in Metal Master-' Yuu was cut off.

'Can it, fool! I swear loyalty only to the Battle Bladers! Everyone else can go suck it! From here on out, everyone in this room is family and anyone who has a problem with that can ANSWER TO MY FIST!' The deranged L-Drago Blader declared.

'Ryuuga!' Kenta beamed at him, eyes shining. 'You're so dedicated and wonderful!'

Hyoma stared at them both. 'He has a shotgun in his pocket, y'know-'

'IT'S ALL FOR YOU, MY DEAR BOY!' Ryuuga dragged Kenta into a hug, whilst simultaneously punching Hyoma in the face. He then let go. 'Anyway, I'm having a party tonight, and the Battle Bladers are the ONLY ones invited so go find Gingka and those other losers.'

'You mean Kyoyo, Tsubasa, Madoka and BenBen?' Yuu asked.

'Like I would bother with something as irrelevant as NAMES! Just go get them!'

TWENTY MINUTES LATER

'Well?' Ryuuga asked.

'They all declined in varying degrees of politeness. Gingka told me he couldn't because the episode of My Little Pony, Friendship is Magic where Rainbow Dash does her Sonic Rainboom is on, Madoka told me she'd love to but she's in the middle of a very important fanfiction, Tsubasa just told me NO and Kyouya said there was no fucking way in fucking hell he would ever fucking attend such a fucking stupid party. FUCK!' Yuu took a breath. 'Aaand because Yo Yo's not going, Ben Ben won't either.'

'RYUUGA CAN I PLEASE LEAVE THIS PLACE IS REALLY DEPRESSING!' Hikaru suddenly yelled, her eye twitching.

'Oh come on, Hikaru – it's not so bad!' Hyoma said from the corner in which he, the Sodo brothers, Teru, Ryutaro, Tobio, and Tetsuya were all playing Bullshit.

'Come over here, Hikaru~ I'll make you more comfortable~'

'REIJI GET AWAY FROM ME THAT IS JUST CREEPY RIGHT FROM NOW ON YOU MUST STAY FIVE FEET AWAY FROM ME AT ALL TIMES!' Hikaru cried, sprinting for the door, only to be dragged back by Ryuuga.

'That five feet rule doesn't necessarily just apply to her, y'know,' Ryuuga warned, as Reiji edged closer to them. 'Get back in your corner!'

'Please can I play? I'll be good, I swear!'

'YOUR CORNER! NOW!' Reiji, head down, skulked back over to his corner, where he started doodling a picture of Ryutaro with his head being eaten by a giant cobra.

'Man, these guys are cramping my style! I'm out!' Yuu turned to leave, only to find himself pined to the wall by Ryuuga's fists.

'NO! NOBODY LEAVES! WE ARE ALL GOING TO STAY HERE AND HAVE A GREAT TIME AND PEOPLE WILL TALK ABOUT HOW RYUUGA THROWS THE BEST PARTIES EVER!' Ryuuga panted. 'Crab face! I demand you go retrieve some punch! I want it strawberry flavoured and I want it back here in under ten minutes! Do you understand?'

'Yes sir, craab~!'

'Dear God, not ONE of the teams in the World Championships are even half as crazy as these guys…' Hikaru sighed, rubbing her head. 'Except, of course, for…'

**TEAM WANG HU ZHONG, BABY!**

'Hey, baby~' A shirtless Zhou Xin purred to a group of three giggling girls. 'My Blade's the Stamina type; you get me? I can go aaalll night~'

**COMMUNISM!**

'Yeah, that boy is seriously messed up.' She looked at Ryuuga. 'So when is this party starting anyway?'

'ANY MINUTE NOW!'

'…'

'Any… minute… now…'

FOUR HOURS LATER

'This is the worst party I have ever been to in my whole life…' Hikaru groaned, downing her third glass of punch.

'Ryuuga, no offence, but I really think we should get some more people. Absolutely nothing is happening!' Kenta ran up to Ryuuga who was guarding the door with vehement intensity so that anyone who was NOT a Battle Blader had no hope in hell of getting in.

Just then Team Garcias arrived.

'Hey guys. We heard there was a party!'

'Finally! More guests!' Kenta smiled. 'Come on in, you guys-'

'NO! NOBODY WHO ISN'T A BATTLE BLADER MAY ENTER!' Ryuuga took out a rifle and rapidly shot every member of the team in the chest.

'…YOU KILLED THEM? RYUUGA, YOU CAN'T KILL PEOPLE! IT'S – IT'S REALLY, REALLY BAD!' Kenta started panicking.

'Hey, Kenta. Hey, Ryuuga.' Gingka greeted, as he and Madoka stepped over the lifeless corpses of Team Garcias. 'I finished the My Little Pony marathon. So what's going on here?'

'It is the greatest party ever AND ONLY BATLE BLADERS MAY ENTER! Prepare for the wildest night of your life…'

INSIDE

Everybody was sitting down, except for Teru who was fervently searching through Ryuuga's CD collection for something that wasn't death core and therefore he could dance to. Tobio was banging his head against the wall. 'I-want-to-diiiiiiee!'

'Wow…' Gingka nodded. 'This party is bitchin'.'

'Damn straight!'

'Well, this is a total dump.' Kyouya, followed by Benkei and Tsubasa, scoffed from the door.

'SHUT UP! THE REAL PARTY HASN'T BEGUN YET, OKAY? WE'RE GONNA HAVE AN AWESOME TIME AND PLAY AWESOME GAMES… LIKE SCRABBLE.'

'How about Spin the Bottle?' Hyoma suggested, winking at Hikaru.

'FINE. BUT WE'RE PLAYING SCRABBLE STRAIGHT AFTER.'

**EVERYONE IS SITTING IN A CIRCLE.**

'So this is how Spin the Bottle works…' Ryuuga began to explain, sitting in between Gingka and Hikaru.

'I think we all know the rules-'

'Be quiet, Hikaru! I'm explaining! Now, I start by spinning the bottle and whoever it lands on…' After a few seconds the bottle landed on Madoka. There were a couple of wolf-whistles and Ryuuga grinned. 'All right, all right, calm down… Whoever it _lands_ on… I have to KILL that person!'

Silence.

'Really, Ryuuga, that is so not how this game works…' Hikaru stared at him.

'It isn't? But… what's the point of it then?'

'I believe you are supposed to _kiss_ the person. Not kill.' Tsubasa said.

'Never kill.' Madoka nodded furiously.

'Bullshit…' Ryuuga muttered to himself, getting up for another drink. 'ALRIGHT, WHAT IDIOT SPIKED THE PUNCH BOWEL?'

'That would be _me_. In about twenty seconds, this party will finally have some life.' Kyouya said.

NINETEEN SECONDS. TAKE THAT, LION-O!

Ryuuga's jaw dropped, as every one of the Bladers began to show their true colours. Tobio was rolling around on the floor, Teru was pole-dancing, and trying to use Kyouya as a pole, Gingka was pretending to be Rainbow Dash and perfect his 'sonic rainboom', Madoka was making out with Tsubasa, as were Hyoma and Hikaru, Tetsuya was trying to dig a hole in the wooden floor (because even crabs got scard sometimes), Benkei was eating absolutely EVERYTHING, including the tables and chairs and the Sodo brothers ('GET OFF ME, YOU FREAK!') and Reiji had tied both Kenta and Yuu together and was watching them struggle for their lives (Fight my pretties, fight! May only the strongest survive…)

Ryuuga shook his head. 'What do you know; they all are a bunch of weirdos after all. Cheh, I bet none of the teams in the World Championships are even half as bad as this…'

**MEANWHILE, AT THE HD ACADEMY**

'DAMIAN, WHY IS THERE A PILE OF SKINNED CORPSES IN THE LIVING ROOM? WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THIS SORT OF THING?'

'IT WASN'T ME, ZEO; IT WAS JACK! I STOPPED MAIMING PEOPLE AFTER LAST TIME, WHEN YOU THREATENED TO STOP READING ME BED TIME STORIES.'

'THOSE WEREN'T BED TIME STORIES; THOSE WERE OBITUARIES! JACK WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU ARE MENTALLY UNSTABLE-'

'BUT IT'S FOR THE SAKE OF ART!'

'OH IT ALWAYS IS, ISN'T IT! I hate my life…' Zeo groaned audibly, rubbing his head. 'I really, really do…'

Well, that was terrible. It wasn't even funny. I don't know why I write these things. I need a life… Expect a multi-chapter fic from me soon, nay day now, starring my beloved Starbreaker…


End file.
